Uncertainty Tolerance

I used to love the "Would You Rather" game in college.  

Not only would it crack me up, but I felt like I was getting an unfiltered view of someone off the cuff. 

Recently I have been pondering the question, "Would I rather possess the ability to generate certainty anytime about anything, or grow my capacity for uncertainty?"

I used to want certainty and believed that if I had it, I could do anything. That is partially true. Because when we feel good, it is generally easier to take action and create the lives we want.

In the last few years though, I have figured out that the skill of growing my capacity for uncertainty is much more freeing (and fun). 

When my capacity to weather uncertainty is strong, it means I don't have to try and control anything or anyone around me. 

I get to let  ALL  the people in my life show up exactly as they are with no agenda to change them or their behaviors, to let them freely do what they want without making it mean anything about me, and know in my bones that I will be okay no matter what. It also gives me permission to show up exactly as I am.

It's a kind of freedom I didn't embody in my 20's or 30's and I have to tell you, it is fucking liberating, even though at times it feels like it is direct opposition to feeling safe. 

Because I have committed to growing my uncertainty tolerance, I've also toned my nervous system in miraculous ways. I can take shock to the system, process it, even if it's traumatic, and not let it define my self concept and keep going. 

The more I do this, the more I grow the skill of being able to bring my nervous system back down to baseline. 

One of the ways I do this is by lowering my stress response through breathing and meditation techniques. I practice this when I'm not stressed because it prepares me for the real thing.  

Then when my NS is hijacked, those NS regulation tricks pop right into my mind. They have become second nature. I'm not trying to learn something new while feeling like I'm having a category 5 meltdown. 

I wonder how many of you would benefit from increasing your uncertainty tolerance on your fertility journey, as you approach birth, or even as you parent?

What if it was just ok to not know what was coming, to have faith in your capacity to get through it all and still feel alive and well?

What would your life be like?

What decisions would you make that you are currently procrastinating?

How would you show up for your loved ones with this skill?

What would the road to creating and nurturing a family feel like if you possessed this skill?